Animal Control

A photo of a couple of young raccoons carefully climbing over a wooden fence.

DJ Wang has this to say:

Terrible news...

DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon was imprisoned last night after he committed a heinous crime.

Him and his ’coon posse ransacked my backyard, knocked over my plants and forced me to give him bread.

I didn’t know who to call. Animal Control? The Police? The Roman Army? Taiwan Sensei (the Grenade-Throwing Japanese Language Instructor from Taiwan)?

So I called them all.

It was a fierce battle. The entire Roman Army got stabbed in the neck. Taiwan Sensei threw a grenade, but it missed. The Police were too busy with Dance Dance Revolution.

But in the end, the Animal Control people captured him by luring him into a cage with some shiny stuff. They later turned him over to The Police after they were finished playing So Many Men.

But since DJ Benvenuto is part of the RIA band, he was let out on a $20 bail. All in quarters.

I didn’t even bother to roll the quarters. I just threw them at the sergeant one by one.

I was going to give the sergeant a $5.00 tip (again, all in assorted coinage) for making sure DJ Benvenuto didn’t get “Bear-Hugged” but he didn’t want a tip and he just told me to leave.

So he handed me a cage with DJ Benvenuto and I later set him free in the jungles of Liberty City.

He somehow made it back home free of gun wounds.

It must be the super-raccoon agility that now emanates from him after becoming a DDR master.
So you best watch out. His agility is almost as superior as Spider-Man.

Damn right.