DJ WANG:
THE ULTIMATE EXECUTIONER!
Original Young Adult Fiction
Created by riafunk.com
DJ Wang and his bad-self take on the Bouncy Castle Gang in this RIA classic.
DJ Wang was just taking a stroll through the park one day, minding his own bad-self... mainly because he had just gotten the feeling like he should strut his funky stuff around.
It wasn’t like he was carrying a sword and looking out for the Bouncy Castle Gang to attack him so he could practice some new moves he had just learned from watching the Blade movie or anything...
It just so happens that the Bouncy Castle Gang was there, or at least two members. They had been on their way to buy some ice cream from the very friendly ice cream man, who actually thought very highly of them, which turned out to be universally good for all: they got yummy ice cream, and the ice cream man got protection.
They had absolutely no intent of starting any trouble with any RIA DJs. But DJ Wang saw those two members pointing at him and he got very angry. And when DJ Wang gets angry, people get hurt.
It just so happens that, in fact, the two members were merely pointing at a fluffy dog, who had been walking behind DJ Wang. But there was no convincing DJ Wang.
DJ Wang then stepped forward, challenging the Bouncy Castle Gang members to a duel to the death. He proclaimed that no Bouncy Castle Gang member was going to point at him and get away with it.
Of course, the members tried to convince DJ Wang that they were merely going to get some ice cream, and had absolutely no intention of starting a fight. They even invited him to have a Ninja Turtles ice cream bar with them. Which, they insisted, was rather tasty. Especially the yummy bubblegum eyes.
DJ Wang would not stand for such an insult. He called them "double-jointed finger pointers" and demanded that they buy him an ice cream sandwich immediately, which cost seventy-five cents.
They tried to reason with him, saying that they only had fifty cents to spare and that it was worth it to buy a Ninja Turtles Bar (with the yummy bubblegum eyes).
DJ Wang stated that he would not bargain with terrorists, saying that they should buy him an ice cream sandwich at that moment or die.
At that point, one of the gang members became upset, saying that no RIA member was going to threaten his life and get away with it.
This pleased DJ Wang. He was ready to go Blade-style on those punks.
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The battle ensued.
DJ Wang stating that, yeah, this was his kind’a stuff. He commented to his opponent that he had just watched Blade and he was ready to kill.
At that, his opponent was alarmed, for the Bouncy Castle Gang was well aware of a new underground form of martials arts, called Wesley Snipes-fu. He then began to ponder whether the Discovery Channel would have a special on it. Just like they did for Kung Fu and Bruce Lee, which had been airing weekly at around 1 AM for the past month.
He also wondered if it would have those cool guys with the sticks.
It was too bad though. He lowered his guard and DJ Wang had his way with him.
DJ Wang then taunted his first opponent as he lay on the ground, begging for mercy. DJ Wang replied to him, saying that he only gives mercy to robots and animals that can do funny tricks. His foe was neither of these, and was thus subjected to his special Wang Of Doom Technique.
No further elaboration is necessary.
As the first gang member’s body disappeared into realms unknown, the second became enraged, vowing revenge for his friend. Actually, he was just angry that the member that DJ Wang had just killed owed him twenty dollars and now he would never have his money back.
He would have to wait another few months before he’d have enough money to buy a Dance Dance Revolution mat off of eBay.
Damn you, eBay...
Damn you, eBay.
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They dueled bitterly.
Their duel would have made Jackie Chan jealous. Their duel would have made Darth Vader jealous. In fact, the Bouncy Castle Gang member did claim at one point to be Luke’s father. DJ Wang was quick to assume that his opponent was delirious and that the only immediate remedy would be fatally swift action.
DJ Wang was no beginner when it came to him and swift action.
DJ Wang, unfortunately, lowered his guard. His opponent took this opportunity to kick him in his man-spot.
Oh, what a grave mistake that was.
He would soon learn the penalties that came with touching DJ Wang in his man-spot. DJ Wang decided that it was time to get serious, or else his opponent would begin to emulate the style of Maury Povich-fu.
If there is one thing DJ Wang hates as much as Pretty Boy, it’s Maury Povich and his busy hands. DJ Wang isn’t down with no man to hand relationships.
His opponent was well aware that no one had ever kicked DJ Wang in his man-spot and survived. He stepped back and prepared himself, telling DJ Wang that this was not the last he had seen of the Bouncy Castle Gang.
DJ Wang responded, saying that the only time he had ever heard anyone talk like that was when he would watch Shredder on the Ninja Turtles. And the only other person he had heard say something close to that was Pretty Boy. And DJ Wang didn’t like Pretty Boy one bit.
His foe had just said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
The wrong time happened to be now.
DJ Wang had had enough of this nonsense. He decided to go maximum-Blade on this punk. His poor opponent was no match for DJ Wang’s psychedelic style.
As the sword pierced through his opponent, he told him that he hoped that he had learned his lesson, and that maybe the next time someone threatened his life for an ice cream sandwich, that he should take it more seriously.
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Let this be a lesson for you all.
Don’t make the same mistake the Bouncy Castle Gang did.
At all times carry seventy-five cents.
Should a RIA member ask you for an ice cream sandwich,
you best comply.
P.S.
If you happen to have maybe a few extra cents,
don’t be shy and donate some of it to RIAfunk.
Thanks =)
That is all.
Long live DJ Wang: The Ultimate Executioner!
___
The Bouncy Castle Gang WILL return!
But what will happen??
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