Carnevil
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Part Four
The next part of our story begins with Tinkles the Karate Bear.
A dignified bear (closely resembling the Downey Bear), Tinkles is tougher than you’d think, considering what a lamester name he has.
He takes pride in upholding the law. He is the long arm of justice in Japan and commands the utmost respect.
Here we find Tinkles with his sidekick, Billy.
“Billy, my silly American slave! Who is our foe now?” asked Tinkles in a haughty voice.
“The American air band RIA! Their music is full of funky beats and groovy rhymes. No one can resist their unique music. They must be stopped! All their records sell out almost as soon as they reach the stores. We must put an end to them before they take over the world!” cried Billy, who was about to pass out because he had forgotten to breathe during his tirade.
Silly Billy, always forgetting to breathe.
“Billy. C’mon man. Is that really a threat big enough for us? I mean, I am Japan’s #1 Karate Bear. There must be some threat that deserves my attention more than this ’RIA’ that you speak of.”
“Fine then,” said Billy, obviously hurt. “If my needs aren’t good enough for you, I suppose there are other teddy bears out there who would value me...”
“Don’t say that Billy! I care. It’s just – aren’t there any other things that are a little bit more, well, deserving of my special breed of crime fighting?”
“No, it’s okay!” he shouted.
“There’s some creature - a Godzilla or something - attacking Tokyo. If that’s more important, then you go! You go take care of that. Never mind that this little air band could single handedly crush Japan with their dangerous beats!”
“I’m sorry Billy. Your needs matter to me. Really. But can’t I take care of this Godzilla thing first?”
“RIA has already mastered DDR, Tinkles! Doesn’t that mean anything to you!?”
“DDR??? They’ve gone too far and must be punished!”
Meanwhile, in Miami (driftwood raft capital of the world), our RIA friends were sitting in DJ Hadoken’s room trying to lull themselves out of their boredom.
“Let’s play DDR,” said DJ Wang.
“Can’t. The pads are broken,” replied DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon.
“Can’t we use the controllers?” asked The Funk Mistress.
“Once you use the pads, you never go back...” mumbled DJ Hadoken.
“Wanna order food?” someone asked. There was no reply. Most of the group had already become quite distracted by something drawn on the ceiling.
“Wait a minute!” shouted Guy the Manager. Everyone snapped to attention. “Weren’t we supposed to be at a carnival?”
“Yes. Yes we were. Should I FUNK us to one?” asked The Funk Mistress.
“For the sake of consistency within the story, that might be for the best. Besides, it’s better than lying around here,” said DJ Skittles.
Within moments, the group we love to love (and yes I did mean it that way... not really... you people are sick... geez!) found themselves back at the carnival.
“Billy, my silly American slave! Who is our foe now?” asked Tinkles in a haughty voice.
“The American air band RIA! Their music is full of funky beats and groovy rhymes. No one can resist their unique music. They must be stopped! All their records sell out almost as soon as they reach the stores. We must put an end to them before they take over the world!” cried Billy, who was about to pass out because he had forgotten to breathe during his tirade.
Silly Billy, always forgetting to breathe.
“Billy. C’mon man. Is that really a threat big enough for us? I mean, I am Japan’s #1 Karate Bear. There must be some threat that deserves my attention more than this ’RIA’ that you speak of.”
“Fine then,” said Billy, obviously hurt. “If my needs aren’t good enough for you, I suppose there are other teddy bears out there who would value me...”
“Don’t say that Billy! I care. It’s just – aren’t there any other things that are a little bit more, well, deserving of my special breed of crime fighting?”
“No, it’s okay!” he shouted.
“There’s some creature - a Godzilla or something - attacking Tokyo. If that’s more important, then you go! You go take care of that. Never mind that this little air band could single handedly crush Japan with their dangerous beats!”
“I’m sorry Billy. Your needs matter to me. Really. But can’t I take care of this Godzilla thing first?”
“RIA has already mastered DDR, Tinkles! Doesn’t that mean anything to you!?”
“DDR??? They’ve gone too far and must be punished!”
___
Meanwhile, in Miami (driftwood raft capital of the world), our RIA friends were sitting in DJ Hadoken’s room trying to lull themselves out of their boredom.
“Let’s play DDR,” said DJ Wang.
“Can’t. The pads are broken,” replied DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon.
“Can’t we use the controllers?” asked The Funk Mistress.
“Once you use the pads, you never go back...” mumbled DJ Hadoken.
“Wanna order food?” someone asked. There was no reply. Most of the group had already become quite distracted by something drawn on the ceiling.
“Wait a minute!” shouted Guy the Manager. Everyone snapped to attention. “Weren’t we supposed to be at a carnival?”
“Yes. Yes we were. Should I FUNK us to one?” asked The Funk Mistress.
“For the sake of consistency within the story, that might be for the best. Besides, it’s better than lying around here,” said DJ Skittles.
Within moments, the group we love to love (and yes I did mean it that way... not really... you people are sick... geez!) found themselves back at the carnival.
...Or should I say Carnevil?! Man, that joke gets old fast... anyway.
RIA found themselves at the midway.
“I wanna play the game where you throw the ball at the milk cans!” The Funk Mistress exclaimed, gleefully.
“Sure, Funk Mistress. You’re mannish, so you should be able to win,” laughed DJ Wang.
“Just hope I don’t miss and hit you in the head,” she muttered.
The carny man who worked the booth handed The Funk Mistress three balls.
RIA found themselves at the midway.
“I wanna play the game where you throw the ball at the milk cans!” The Funk Mistress exclaimed, gleefully.
“Sure, Funk Mistress. You’re mannish, so you should be able to win,” laughed DJ Wang.
“Just hope I don’t miss and hit you in the head,” she muttered.
The carny man who worked the booth handed The Funk Mistress three balls.
On the second throw she knocked down all the cans.
“Here’s a prize for the little lady!” shouted the carny.
“That’s Funky Lady to you!” she replied, taking the harmless teddy bear from the man.
As she walked away, no one noticed the evil grin on the teddy bear’s face.
Or the little boy named Billy that followed close behind.
“Here’s a prize for the little lady!” shouted the carny.
“That’s Funky Lady to you!” she replied, taking the harmless teddy bear from the man.
As she walked away, no one noticed the evil grin on the teddy bear’s face.
Or the little boy named Billy that followed close behind.
___
Tune in next week for part five of RIA’s amazing adventure, Carnevil.
Note
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