Jurassic Park III (2001) Review



The Jurassic Park III movie poster featuring a shadow of a pteranodon.

DJ Benvenuto the "one that wants to burn the JP3 reel" Raccoon has this to say:

In case you haven’t noticed, the WSS Adventure is up.

Now, yesterday RIA & company went to see Jurassic Park III (OOOO SCARY SLASH!! III).

We also went to GameWorks and showed off our skills. We ended up getting some of the best and biggest crowds ever.

We got on, but then the M.C. who was at the machine (narrating who would win at the end of the game) ran away like a little wuss.

Well, we still played... but back to the pile of cra... I mean movie.

Well, was it bad? Yes... very.

The entire movie seemed very rushed (it was and it showed).

The story was well... poop.

The ending was... ummm, how should I say? It was as if they ran out of money and decided to end it right there.

Now you ask, “Well, were the effects good?” For the most part, yes. The whole plane crash part seemed of poor quality to me. Some parts with the Spinosaurus (the dinosaur which is bigger than the T-Rex but was made up specifically for the movie) looked quite fake. The other effects for the most part were quite good.

Now, the story was just the classic “save the princess” or in this case “save the super survival specialist that is only 12 years old and was getting urine samples from T-Rexes”. I’m pretty sure his name was Eric, but I’d rather call him BIFF THE WILDERNESS BOY! (Yes, I am being sarcastic).

Well, good ’ole Biff survives 8 weeks on this island. How? Well, the scriptwriters were too busy trying to add more stupid jokes and "surprise attacks" by the Spinosaurus to say.

Well, Biff becomes little mister Vietnam Vet in no time with his homemade camo gear (jacket of leaves) and then rescues Alan Grant with his gas bombs. After that they meet up with his parents.

I’m skipping through a lot of the plot, but it’s not like it matters though. Then they start to run from various dinosaurs including Pteranodons. Then poor ’ole raptor egg stealing Biff pretty much gets pecked to death by said Pteranodons.

I was saying to the RIA crew how the movie would be so much better if Biff had become Lord of the Pteranodons!! But he didn’t. DJ Wang and I also agreed about a few things, such as that there should have been a jet pack wearing T-Rex. Oh, and that T-Rex could have been able to change from scuba gear to jet pack mode.

Oh, and the ending?

I won’t say what it is, but they either ran out of money or the writers got bored of "writing" (if it can even be called that) and went home.

So all in all, BAD MOVIE!!!

See it if you are reaaally curious or if there is absolutely nothing else you haven’t seen.

Worse than Tomb Raider? I don’t know. They’re both quite bad. Dinosaurs are cool but so are boobies... but not lopsided ones.

Let’s hope for the best with Planet of the Apes. PLEASE!!

It’s gonna suck, I just know it...

IT’S A MADHOUSE!!
A MAAAAAAAAAADHOUSE!!!

I agree Charlie, I agree.


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