How to be a "Smart Kid" and Survive in Night School
A How-To for Young Adults
Written by DJ Hadoken
Why? Mainly because of one personal reminder that never fails to cross my mind as I am preparing to sit at my desk: “Never keep more than one pen or pencil on your desk, always keep any extra in your pocket.”
Now, the reason I need to write this is because I know that even though there may only be a few, there may be someone else out there who fits the criteria and is most likely experiencing a similar situation, or will soon.
What is this criteria you ask?
Consider the following scenario and then my own situation:
You are a student currently with 4 AP classes and in the top 10% of the school, who has never taken any class on the “regular” level during the (day) school year, since middle school.
Now, my situation. As most of you know, I will be in Japan next year if everything works out. Because of this, I have had to accelerate a little in order to obtain core credits.
Due to that fact, I am now experienced in dealing with the regular level, thanks to English 3 during the summer term. I am experienced on the night school level thanks to Japanese class and Driver’s Ed.
I believe these past experiences have prepared me for the situation I am in now. If it were not for those prior experiences, I would have entered into a state of shock.
American History. Regular. Night school.
You most likely don’t see the connection here... yet.
I took my first regular class over summer vacation. It was about 6 hours long per day, but it usually went by fast because I had a few friends in that class that I could talk to. We were basically on the same intellectual level. But of course, they failed English. Everyone in there did, except for maybe two others. It was during the day (pay close attention to this) which means that only people who attend day school go to it.
The night school program at our school attracts a completely different crowd. It incorporates drop outs, failures, 40 year olds taking high school level classes, and “students” from schools that are more ghetto than ours.
I have experienced night school before, but not like this.
In any case, I will cut to the point.
This is a small list of rules that you need in order to survive in one of these classes. Maybe if you read them, you’ll have a better understanding of what this is like.
This list will be based on my previous experiences in night school, but all tied together through my current experience.
If you fit the criteria I have described above, then you must not forget what you are about to read (or hear, if this is being read to you out loud).
As soon as you step into the corridors of the night school facility...
You must completely eliminate any study habit you have ever used.
And try not to be funny and say, “But, DJ Hadoken, I NEVER study. I’m lazy.” If you fit the criteria, whether you like it or not, you have studying habits carved into your brain.
Why this rule? I’ll tell you a little story, then I’ll let you judge on your own.
On my first night in night school for American History, I find out that my class is a mix of American History and World History. What exactly does this mean? Considering that there is only one teacher, it means that I only have to pay attention half of the time. Prior to that discovery, one guy had commented, “I think everybody here has failed freshman year.”
Second case, it is nearing 8:00 PM and the teacher says: “Okay, let’s just chill out for awhile.”
Third case, upon returning from break, I am “greeted” by overhearing the words of the teacher saying, “It’s very hard to fail this class.”
You make your own judgement.
Next rule, referring back to my pencil thought.
Never leave more than one pen or pencil on your desk.
Keep any extra in your pocket.
Keep any extra in your pocket.
Our school’s night school program consists of about 98% ghetto and / or substance abusing people.
They are not smart enough to ask you for a pencil, let alone, bring their own. If they need one, they will scan the desks around them until they see someone with more than one pen. Then they will approach that person, and of course, ask, “Do you have a pencil I could borrow?” looking directly at the item in question.
Manners (you DO fit the criteria) simply require you to let this person “borrow” your pencil. Chances are you will never see it again. Chances are that that same person will “borrow” another pencil from you another day as well. By following this rule, you will save both money and guilt.
Next rule is...
Always take something fun with you to class.
It’s about three and a half hours of sitting. That’s all night school is. Take a magazine, cd-player, boom box, whatever. It really doesn’t matter. I have heard people put the volume of their headphones all the way up while the teacher was trying to lecture. Heck, take a cell phone and talk to someone.
Next week I will be merrily studying Kanji while we watch “Braveheart”.
Do I even need to elaborate any more?
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If you have never seen or smelled drugs before, be prepared for an
eye-opener, rather, nose-opener. Especially during break.
During my experience in night school last year, a female was talking about the bong she had stashed in her purse. A guy stuck a blunt in a crack by the soda machine during break, and then after class he came back and got it and smoked it some more. I won’t say anymore regarding that.
As it’s getting late, and I know that I will be too lazy to continue this tomorrow, I will move on to in-classroom behavior...
Avoid eye contact.
Most ghetto people will not ask to copy you unless you have made some prior eye contact. Trust me, this will save you. Ghetto people will stare at you, or your paper, but most likely just you if they are sitting at a bad angle. They will stare at you until you make eye contact, when you do, they ask the dreaded question,
“Ay dawg, lemme get some answers, yo?”
But, what’s so bad about letting this one ghetto guy copy? I mean, he’s going to fail either way.
NO! Have you not taken a look around you? There is no such thing as “one” ghetto guy. Once you let that ghetto guy copy, then the others will flock. When the others flock, you lose time. You could be going home at 9:30 PM, but have to stay until about 10 PM because every ghetto guy has to copy your paper letter by letter.
Ghetto people are vicious when it comes to cheating. They have mastered this art. They have mastered it to the point that they will steal a blank test from the teacher and then give it to you, mind, that you already have one, and will ask you to copy your test onto the blank one so that the teacher won’t notice. All this while you are sitting in the very front row. Right in front of the teacher’s desk.
They are vicious. That is why you must avoid eye contact at all cost. This is essential, because you only get one chance. If you are lucky, maybe two or three, because their substance abuse problems will most likely erase the brand that they place upon you after you let them copy the first time. This introduces the next rule, and possibly the most important...
You must never be branded "the smart kid."
Once this happens, you only have about one chance to save yourself. Once you are branded “the smart kid” the eye-contact technique will not be as effective. Ghetto people reach the conclusion that if you let them copy once, you will always let them.
Do you remember that flock from before?
It will grow even larger as word spreads. They will no longer stare at you until you look at them. They will huddle around you, they will “discreetly” change seats when test time comes so that they just “happen” to be sitting on all sides of you. They will demand that you move your arm. That you move your paper to the side. That you turn your paper to a certain angle. That you write neater. That you loan them your paper when you are not even finished yet. That you loan it to them for “a second.”
You must avoid this.
But there is one choice you may make.
It is known that ghetto people are very prone to violence. However, ghetto people tend to like “the smart kid” and once you are branded this, your only benefit will be that if you are ever having any trouble with someone, you are guaranteed that at least five of them are willing to “give that person a stern talking-to” for you.
I realize that if I really tried, I could turn my American History class into a small-scale mafia, but I have decided not to.
I have made another choice that I will describe next.
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Whenever these ghetto guys ask for your help...
Invent excuses about why you can’t help them.
It will get you on their bad side, and most likely scratch you off from their protection list. But it will save time, and to a degree, stress.
“I have to go, my mom is waiting for me, I can’t stay, sorry.”
“Can’t you find someone sitting closer to you to copy?”
“I’m sure someone else has the same answers as me.”
“I’m still working on it, so could you hold on for a few minutes?”
“Actually, I don’t think I’ll be done in time for you to copy, so I think
you should find someone else.”
And so on. It is harsh, but it might save you. Just don’t ever ask any of them for favors.
If you are ever in my situation, be prepared. You will come across 20 year old high school students who have children, and you will meet people who have been arrested for racing cars. But if you follow these rules, you will be prepared.
If you don’t, then may good luck be on your side.
Ah yes, there are a few more rules, however, they have escaped me at present.
I’m sure you could ask DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon if you really want to know the other rules.
See what I did there?
Slumber calls to me...
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