School Daze
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Part One
The Funk Mistress rushed to her AP American History class.
Had she really seen what she thought she saw?
Could Pretty Boy (::cringe::) really have had Tinkles the Karate Bear’s eye?
No. But what could it have been? Could this only mean one thing?
The Funk Mistress wasn’t quite sure what it was, but she was sure it was only
one thing. Pretty Boy wasn’t smart enough to do more than one thing at
once.
“Benny!” she called as she walked into her first period class. “I need to talk to you.”
“But I’m pimpin’ it to the ladies. Can’t your Funkiness wait?” DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon whined.
“No! This is important. Pretty Boy is up to something!” The Funk Mistress pounded a desk.
For a moment, she succeeded at catching DJ Benvenuto’s attention. “What do you mean?”
“I saw him with Tinkles’s eye!” The Funk Mistress exclaimed.
DJ Benvenuto gave her a blank look. “Does it hurt to be so stupid?”
“What the Funk is that supposed to mean?” The Funk Mistress asked.
“So what if he has a teddy bear’s eye? It probably isn’t Tinkles’s.” DJ Benvenuto rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” she said, but in that way that girls say fine so that you KNOW that it’s not fine. DJ Benvenuto chose to ignore this, and went back to pimpin’ it.
Sadly, The Funk Mistress sat through her first period class, wishing that one of her Funk Apprentices were in the class with her.
“Benny!” she called as she walked into her first period class. “I need to talk to you.”
“But I’m pimpin’ it to the ladies. Can’t your Funkiness wait?” DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon whined.
“No! This is important. Pretty Boy is up to something!” The Funk Mistress pounded a desk.
For a moment, she succeeded at catching DJ Benvenuto’s attention. “What do you mean?”
“I saw him with Tinkles’s eye!” The Funk Mistress exclaimed.
DJ Benvenuto gave her a blank look. “Does it hurt to be so stupid?”
“What the Funk is that supposed to mean?” The Funk Mistress asked.
“So what if he has a teddy bear’s eye? It probably isn’t Tinkles’s.” DJ Benvenuto rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” she said, but in that way that girls say fine so that you KNOW that it’s not fine. DJ Benvenuto chose to ignore this, and went back to pimpin’ it.
Sadly, The Funk Mistress sat through her first period class, wishing that one of her Funk Apprentices were in the class with her.
The Funk Apprentices were required by Funk Law to believe everything she said.
Not believing her was punishable by death, or worse, revocation (Yes, that’s a
real word. I know because there wasn’t a squiggly red line under it when I
typed this.) of their Funk energies.
The bell rang and The Funk Mistress walked to her second period class: Italian 2 Honors. That’s right, kiddies, “Io Mangio Bambini!” The Funk Mistress’s Espirits rose a bit as she realized that her best friend, Ollo, who was also a Funk Apprentice, was in the class with her.
“Ollo!” she exclaimed. “I have some bad news.”
“Oh my gosh! What happened? Did you trip in front of that guy you liked because you were checking him out again?” asked Ollo in horror.
“...No. But thanks for screaming that for the whole class to hear,” The Funk Mistress shook her head in disappointment.
And then Ollo leaned closer to The Funk Mistress, “Well, what happened then?”
“I think Pretty Boy is working with Tinkles.”
Ollo pointed and said, “Run that by me again, but this time tell me who Tinkles is.”
With a sinking heart, The Funk Mistress realized that Ollo hadn’t been present when all Funk broke loose.
Then suddenly she exclaimed, “Wait, didn’t you notice I was missing for a week?!”
“Oh, is that what happened? You missed a great party at Super Fly the Wise Guy’s house.”
The Funk Mistress buried her head in her arms. After a moment she raised her hand.
“S’ragazza?” asked her teacher.
“Bathroom?” she asked, not even trying to speak in Italian.
“S’”
The Funk Mistress walked quickly down the hall to the bathroom.
Wait, what was that..?
What did she just see out of the corner of her eye?
Could it be – Billy? No. He had run off after Maguire had disposed of Tinkles. So who was that? The Funk Mistress kept walking, only now she sped up her steps.
Suddenly, a figure jumped out from a corner in front of her. It was indeed Billy. She turned on her heels to run back to the classroom. But now Pretty Boy stood there before her.
“Move or I’ll use the Funk on you!” she said with as much bravado as she could muster.
“Calm down. We aren’t going to hurt you – yet. But we do expect you to take a message to your RIA buddies,” laughed Pretty Boy.
“Tell them that I’ve found someone who hates them as much as I do,” said Billy through clenched teeth.
“Tell them that I will make it my personal mission to complete Tinkles’s dream. They will be demolished. And then, I will make it my personal goal to destroy you and your brother for what you did to Tinkles,” Billy cackled.
The Funk Mistress pushed her way past Pretty Boy and ran back to class.
This was bad.
Very bad.
___
Tune in next week for part two of RIA’s amazing adventure, RIA: School
Daze!
Note
I hate school. Why do we have to go to school? Beware The Grapes of
Wrath.
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