School Daze
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Part Four
“Swing low, sweeeeeet chaaaaariooooot! Coming for to carry me hooooome!”
“Would someone please shut up The Funk Mistress!” shouted DJ Wang. “Or at least teach her the rest of that song. She’s been singing that same line over and over since two o’clock. A man can only take so much!”
The Funk Mistress leaned in closer to DJ Wang.
“COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!”
“Dang you, woman! Silence, I say!”
On the other end of the room, DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon was scratching at the walls. “According to my calculations, we’ve been in here for.. wow.. about 30 years now.”
The Funk Mistress sighed, “Benny, how did you do your ‘calculations’?”
“On my graphing calculator.”
The Funk Mistress was disappointed, “I think your calculations are a bit off.”
“Oh yeah. It was in radian. My bad.”
“Well, how long have we really been here?” asked DJ Fuji the Man Scout.
“Uhm. Hang on a sec,” DJ Benvenuto did the calculation. “Six hours.”
“I have a test to study for tomorrow. I don’t have time for this!” shouted DJ Skittles.
“Maybe you should all sing some more,” said an ominous voice above their heads.
“Wait a minute. I know that voice!” shouted The Funk Mistress. “That’s Billy!”
“Congratulations, Captain Obvious. How long did it take you to figure that one out?” sneered DJ Wang.
The Funk Mistress leaned in, “COMING FOR TO CARRY ME HOME!”
Billy laughed and said, “Maybe you should stick to writing your little stories for RIA, Funk Mistress. Cause you suck at the whole singing thing.”
The Funk Mistress proceeded to sulk. It should be noted that throughout the rest of this episode, The Funk Mistress will be sulking. Even when she’s really happy, please keep in mind she will be sulking happily.
“Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve brought you here,” said Billy.
The RIA Army proceeded to look around in bewilderment. The General spoke up, “Actually, no, not really. We weren’t. We kind of stormed Pretty Boy’s office and when we woke up here, we just figured we were captured.”
“Ha!” laughed Billy. “You really thought that fool could capture you on his own? He can’t walk and chew gum at the same time! He couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag! He -”
“We get the point,” said The Funk Mistress. “He’s stupid. Is there a point to all this? I mean, really, some of us have places to be, things to do, people to annoy. This whole kidnapping thing really didn’t figure into any of our schedules. At least I’m used to it by now, what with this being my second kidnapping and all, but everyone else? Give us a break here.”
“Oh yes, of course. By the way, your brother wouldn’t be stopping in again, would he? That would really be quite unfortunate for me,” Billy looked a little nervous.
“Him? No, he’s probably asleep by now. But tomorrow: watch out! He’s an angry Irish boy in the mornings,” The Funk Mistress warned.
“Oh dear. I’ll have to make it quick then, won’t I?” Billy grumbled. “Oh well. Anyway, I’ve brought you all here for one simple reason: revenge. You killed my dear, sweet, Tinkles the Karate Bear. Now you shall all pay severely: with your lives!”
“Oh come on! Isn’t that a little extreme? I mean, half of us weren’t even there when it happened,” shouted The General.
Billy argued, “Well, Tinkles the Karate Bear died trying to destroy RIA.”
“Well, that’s only the five DJs you want then. And The Funk Mistress too, because her brother actually did the killing,” shouted someone in the back.
“Good point. Hang on.” With that, Billy jumped down and untied all those not directly involved.
Then suddenly, when his back was turned, The General grabbed a loose chain and hit Billy over the back of the head. Then, he and one of the RIA Army recruits tied Billy up.
“No fair!” shouted Billy as he regained his senses, or lack there of. “You did that when my back was turned!”
“So? Get over it. All’s fair in love and.. well.. war and war I guess,” replied The General.
“Haha!” laughed The Funk Mistress.
The Riaopians climbed out of the room and found their way out.
Once again, good won over evil.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that extreme.
But crazy teenage antics definitely beat out a talking karate bear and his little boy sidekick.
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now back to the blog...
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now back to the blog...
And so ends the RIA tale of School Daze – another page in the book of RIA
has closed and our heroes go home to relax, go to sleep, and get a life.
Well, maybe not that last part, but the rest is true.
And yes, Meta-Guy did break out of jail. I hear he did quite well in Mexico
while they were still doing the manhunt – err.. Meta-hunt.
___
DJ Hadoken is departing for Japan.
But something’s not right in the skies...
What awaits the RIA crew in their next adventure?
And what do H.G. Wells and Coca-Cola got to do with it?
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