Sayonara Samurai
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Part One
“Don’t go! Stay!” screamed The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl as DJ Hadoken tried to walk away.
Tried, but couldn’t because it's difficult to walk when two girls have attached themselves to your legs.
“Get off! I need to go. Guys, help me,” he pleaded to the other DJs.
“Nah. We aren’t going to make you stay,” replied DJ Wang. “But we sure aren’t helping you leave either.”
“Yeah,” said Super Fly the Wise Guy through his laughter. “We’ll just let fate decide.”
“This!” DJ Hadoken retorted, indicating to The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl, “Is not fate. It's two girls trying to keep me from getting on a plane.”
“Don’t yell. You’re making a scene!” DinoGirl said from the floor.
“No, the two of you are making a scene. Now get off,” DJ Hadoken said calmly.
“Fine,” The Funk Mistress grumbled. “You want to leave, go ahead. We aren’t going to stand in your way. We know how to take a hint.”
“Alright. See ya,” DJ Hadoken turned and started to walk away.
The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl exchanged looks before chasing after him. “Wait a minute! That was reverse psychology! You weren’t supposed to go!”
DJ Wang and DJ Skittles went after the two and dragged them back to the rest of the gang.
It took a lot of patient explaining before DJ Wang could convince The Funk Mistress that it wasn’t a good idea to Funk herself onto the plane. Scaring the other passengers and whatnot.
“How long before you think we’ll hear from him again?” asked Chupacabra Loco, one of DJ Hadoken's predicted but yet-to-be-born future offspring.
They all looked at him like he was crazy. “You aren’t alive yet,” DJ Fuji the Man Scout explained.
“Oh, but they can do it in JumpStart and no one cares,” Chupacabra Loco pointed out.
“Go away. You’re creepy,” came the reply from DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon.
“That’s right – pick on the flesh eating, alien reptile thing,” Chupacabra Loco said, before fading away. As he disappeared, they heard, “No one ever does this to my brother, Mario!”
Suddenly, The Funk Mistress spoke up. “You think when he comes back he’ll have that crazy chopped haircut that all people in Japanese movies have?”
“At least one of us will have a haircut we can appreciate,” said DJ Wang glaring at DJ Fuji.
“It's my hair, and I can cut it if I want to!” DJ Fuji shouted.
“Yeah big head, and it's DJ Hadoken’s bathroom. Remember that next time you eat Meat Lover’s Pizza. You OWE him funny hair,” DJ Wang rebutted.
“Speaking of pizza, I could go for a pizza grenade,” grumbled DJ Benvenuto. “Let’s go get some food.”
“...But where will we eat it? We can’t go to DJ Hadoken's house anymore!” sobbed The Funk Mistress.
“Oh my gosh!” DinoGirl cried, she and The Funk Mistress erupting into tears for the umpteenth time.
“It's like we’re homeless!”
___
Ah yes, about the pizza grenade DJ Benvenuto mentioned...
The cholesterol-ly unenlightened among you may be wondering what a pizza
grenade is.
It is a very simple recipe. You can make one in three easy steps.
You see, contrary to what most people may think at first, it is not an exploding pizza (although that is an interesting idea in itself).
This one just makes your heart explode.
After the two stopped their whining, the group decided to meet at the park
where so many fond days of launching potatoes from potato cannons and
people-scaring had occurred.
Half the group got the tubs of fried rice; the other half got the pizzas. They drew straws to decide who would have to go in the car with The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl.
When the fried rice group got back, they found the pizza group on the verge of violence. The girls were pointing at random objects and drudging up memories.
“And that little thing with the plaque...”
“Uh-huh?” asked DinoGirl.
“That’s where Benny jumped from once while Hadoken took a picture!”
“I’ll take care of this,” said DJ Wang. He walked over to The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl and shook the back of his hand up in the air.
“Don’t make me put on my rings, womens! A year! A fricken' year! Get over it.”
The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl rolled their eyes.
“Pizza grenades sound great, right, Funk Mistress?” asked DinoGirl.
“Yeah! Let's go get some.”
“Wow, Wang, you have to teach me that one day!” said DJ Fuji.
“No, young one. Such skills cannot be taught, but learned.”
“...Being taught is the same as learning...” DJ Fuji commented.
DJ Wang proceeded to slap DJ Fuji around, just to teach him a lesson.
It is a very simple recipe. You can make one in three easy steps.
How to Make a Pizza Grenade
1. Order a giant tub of fried rice from a take-out restaurant.
(What? You don't have take-out restaurants where you live that sell
giant tubs of fried rice?)
2. Order a giant pizza.
3. Dump out the contents of the giant tub of fried rice onto the giant
pizza.
You now have a pizza grenade.
You see, contrary to what most people may think at first, it is not an exploding pizza (although that is an interesting idea in itself).
This one just makes your heart explode.
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Half the group got the tubs of fried rice; the other half got the pizzas. They drew straws to decide who would have to go in the car with The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl.
When the fried rice group got back, they found the pizza group on the verge of violence. The girls were pointing at random objects and drudging up memories.
“And that little thing with the plaque...”
“Uh-huh?” asked DinoGirl.
“That’s where Benny jumped from once while Hadoken took a picture!”
“I’ll take care of this,” said DJ Wang. He walked over to The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl and shook the back of his hand up in the air.
“Don’t make me put on my rings, womens! A year! A fricken' year! Get over it.”
The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl rolled their eyes.
“Pizza grenades sound great, right, Funk Mistress?” asked DinoGirl.
“Yeah! Let's go get some.”
“Wow, Wang, you have to teach me that one day!” said DJ Fuji.
“No, young one. Such skills cannot be taught, but learned.”
“...Being taught is the same as learning...” DJ Fuji commented.
DJ Wang proceeded to slap DJ Fuji around, just to teach him a lesson.
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