Sayonara Samurai
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Part Five
It was only a short time later that the gang finally arrived at the scene.
Now, keep in mind that this story has been told over the course of about a day. In all actuality, all passengers on the plane should be dead.
However, thanks to some help from The Funk Mistress’s brother, Maguire (Master of the Space-Time Continuum), all time was suspended long enough for our heroes to reach DJ Hadoken.
Quickly, they approached the plane. The giant deceptively demotic killer robots were just in sight.
“When we get within five hundred feet of the robots, take a bottle and start shaking. At four hundred feet, throw the bottle,” instructed The General. “Ready, go!”
Our brave DJs and faithful Poss members charged at the robots. Bottles, soda, and insults flew through the air like those flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz.
The sea was frothy from the struggle of RIA’s enemies. Oil stained the water as the robots gave their final cry of defeat. Man, this was gonna be worse than the Exxon Valdez oil spill.
The frightened passengers were removed from the wreckage. However, there weren’t capes for any of them, so the Riaopians let them all drown. Only DJ Hadoken was saved.
Well, they were gonna save the Irish guy that he had sat next to, but he was annoying, so The Funk Mistress accidentally showed him a picture of a Danceable R&B-influenced Pop Boy Band.
Oops...
___
Our favorite troublemakers were almost to Japan, when suddenly, DJ Fuji got thirsty.
Stopping in mid-air for a bit, everyone reached to get some of the left over Cokes. Just as they were about to take a bottle, a low grumble rose from deep within the Coke bottle mass.
“Roar!!! S.T.A.R.S! I mean R.I.A!!!”
“Crikey on a cracker with the donkey!” exclaimed Super Fly the Wise Guy. “Steve wasn’t kidding about the C.O.C.A.C.O.L.A thing!”
“Quick, summon Pop Artist with a Questionable Reputation!” The Funk Mistress shouted.
The DJs held their Rings to the sky.
“Economic Hardship!”
“The Student Body!”
“Filthy Lifestyle!”
“Oral Communication!”
“Whirling Gyrations!”
Suddenly, there was a gust of wind. And then -
“With your powers combined, I am Pop Artist with a Questionable Reputation!”
“Go Pop Artist with a Questionable Reputation!” they all shouted in unison.
Pop Artist with a Questionable Reputation,
He’s a weirdo!
If you’re not careful,
He’s gonna feel ya!
He’s got a bad case of the student body!
When he’s lonely,
He drinks Tequila!
“Hey guys!” exclaimed Pop Artist with a Questionable Reputation. “Long time no see. What do you need?”
“Dastardly deed the Coke monster!”
“...Woah! Coke monster! You guys are on your own,” with a gust of wind he disappeared.
“That wasn’t good,” sighed DinoGirl.
There was a long period of silence as the Coke monster prepared to attack.
For the first time, the Riaopians feared the outcome of the situation.
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A scream of “Shlug Hug!” followed and Bear-Hug-mon was on the sweet sweet sugar filled danger zone of the Coke monster.
“Roar! It’s the dirty deeds!” the Coke monster screamed.
Bear-Hug-mon’s gyrations and undulations shook the Coke monster, driving it to the breaking point.
Suddenly, there was a great sound as all the bottles exploded in unison, spilling Coke and plastic into the ocean.
The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl turned to look at DJ Hadoken. “See, if you hadn’t gone to Japan, none of this would have happened!”
“Damnit! It’s not my fault robots attacked the plane!” DJ Hadoken protested.
The Funk Mistress responded, “We’re not talking about that. We’re talking about the ocean being riddled with plastic, Coke, and oil.”
“Oh... that’s not really my fault either,” DJ Hadoken shrugged.
“Tough. We’re cleaning it up,” DinoGirl said firmly.
“No way. You want to clean it up that bad, you do it. I’m leaving,” DJ Hadoken turned and started to fly away.
The Funk Mistress and DinoGirl exchanged a look.
The Funk Mistress reached into her pocket and took out a picture.
“Hey, DJ Hadoken, what’s this a picture of..?”
___
Little did the RIA crew know of what was in store for them next.
A series of events that would change Riaopia forever.
None of them anticipated the coming of the Great Change.
Could they all endure? Find out in RIA’s next tale!
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