RIAfunk: Who we are...
Original Young Adult Fiction
Written by The Funk Mistress
Many moons ago, the Ancients (disease-infested pigeons that nested at our local high school) came down from their thrones in the garbage-infested sky.
They came to the chosen people and gave them a task: have a crazy-cool time in zany and idiotic, but funny, ways.
Well, if the dirty, disease-riddled pigeon proclaims it so, then we
must!
And with that, RIA was born and a group of psychotic kids became... well, crazier kids. But now with purpose!
The leaders of the RIA revolution were DJ Hadoken, DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon, DJ Fuji the Man Scout, DJ Skittles the Firestarter (now known only as DJ Firestarter), and DJ Wang. They were backed by the Poss, loyal members to RIA who were not among The Five who were appointed the task by the Ancients.
For a long time, their home was in the dirt infested patch of land known as RIAopia. They had a nifty website and they played on the message board often.
They had crazy parties at Poss member Super Fly the Wise Guy’s house. They were glorified in stories written by the storyweaver and history writer, The Funk Mistress.
They spent Fridays at DJ Hadoken’s house, the cradle of RIAopiaism. They showed off their talents with DDR.
They did West Side Story re-enactments. They made CDs. They worshipped the Ancients. They “roofed” things, which simply means they threw crap on the roof (so simple, so fun.. more importantly, so messy).
They also threw things in a bush/tree thing. They would hide things like sheets of metal, bike chains, and even plexiglass windows that made funny noises.
What a wonderful world it was for them.
They were loved by many, but you can’t please everyone. There were some who did not understand the glory of RIA. A quick act of idiocy usually scared away those who couldn’t handle the power. But they were usually only students and easily deterred.
However, there were some far more opposing foes. Baldo, the security guard with his lamester field, hitting on the poor defenseless student body. Far too loyal to his lamester boss, Pretty Boy, for his own good. Ro-hole, an old bitter lamester of a man, who threw all his little-b*tch anger at RIA when he couldn’t handle his rage anymore.
The RIAopians were forced to leave their home. They tried the beauteous fields of The Promised Land, where the grass is lush and the air is fresh, but it wasn’t the same. So RIA fought for their land and won it back.
Joyous days indeed, but the dark times they had faced would forever be known as The Great Exile and the fateful day of Ro-hole’s explosion would be a day of reflection.
One summer came and those of RIA went to their homes for a recess from school. Upon their return however, a heavy blow was dealt. The lands were paved with concrete to make a “newer, better school.” However, the RIAopians were quick to adapt.
Finally, senior year arrived and the extraordinary leader of RIA, DJ Hadoken, left for a year to Japan. But The General and DJ Benvenuto took over the helm and brainstormed crazy antics - the all you can eat pancake contest at IHOP, the all you can eat pizza contest at Pizza Hut, and the Peeps eating extravaganza. We like food.
Finally, Hadoken returned and Fridays were spent at his house again. Movies were made; food was eaten; all rejoiced. Golden Friday will go down as the day RIAopians were reunited at the church of RIAopiaism.
And for those that haven’t gleaned the meaning of RIA and what RIA is about from the pages of our history, here it is as blunt as can be: having a crazy-cool time in zany and idiotic, but funny, ways.
Wow, look at that, the last half of the second sentence of this page!
Oh yeah, RIA is also about friendship and being with friends.
But shh... don’t make a big deal about it, or they’ll feel like little
b*tches.
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