The War Against Middle-Earth
Lord of the Rings Fan-Fiction
Chronicled by riafunk.com
There was a time when peace reigned. BUT IT IS NO MORE.
Years ago, DJ Hadoken received
messages. For a time he was forbidden to speak of these messages, but finally, DJ
HADOKEN RESISTED.
A war had begun to brew. A war of power of which the outcome would be
determined by the strength of RIA... So he told the world the truth.
He told the truth in The Funk...
VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGES from MIDDLE-EARTH
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
URGENT!
This past winter break I received two VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGES from MIDDLE-EARTH.
Up until now I have been forbidden to publicly announce these messages.
Because of their content, exposure at such a time would have been very dangerous to a certain Hobbit named Frodo Baggins.
It seems as if both the LEGIONS OF SAURON and the FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING wanted the power of RIA on their side.
To achieve this, they each gave a message to a certain Poss member to deliver to us.
Now, months after the debut of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, and months after Frodo’s troubles, I am allowed to post for the world the two private messages I received.
The deliverer of these messages was our faithful Poss member, Kewl Kat.
Thank you Kewl Kat and we are very glad to know that you survived an encounter with Sauron’s legions!
The first message, delivered by GANDALF himself can be found
here.
THANK YOU KEWL KAT FOR DELIVERING TO US THIS
URGENT MESSAGE FROM GANDALF!
The second message, delivered by THE RING WRAITHS can be found
here.
Kewl Kat, thank you for delivering to us this message!
We are sure that the Ring Wraiths are in your debt and that Sauron and his friends are very pleased!
We are sure that the Ring Wraiths are in your debt and that Sauron and his friends are very pleased!
As to how we responded to these messages and whose side we took, that must still remain untold.
That story is still being written.
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However, it seems as though enemies are nameless, and even a friend may turn
and throw hot, boiling acid into your eyes. An ally betrays. The power of RIA
was tested..
The enemies next delivered to loyal Poss member Kewl Kat, threatening messages, aimed at the RIA DJs, the chosen Five that the Ancients had spoken to.
The enemies next delivered to loyal Poss member Kewl Kat, threatening messages, aimed at the RIA DJs, the chosen Five that the Ancients had spoken to.
Kewl Kat bravely fought and bestowed the first of these threats onto DJ
Hadoken...
In outrage towards these threats, DJ Hadoken made a decision. A decision that would change the lives of all RIA members. War. RIA would help no faction of Middle-earth. RIA would fight EVERY faction of Middle-earth. For, the only true way to eliminate an enemy, is to ELIMINATE ALL ENEMIES.
In order to rally support for this war, DJ Hadoken drew up a proposal entitled DJ HADOKEN’S PROPOSAL FOR PEACE. No other document since the Fuji Manifesto has ever been so monumental.
Veterans of the Bench Wars and newcomers were called to arms...
In outrage towards these threats, DJ Hadoken made a decision. A decision that would change the lives of all RIA members. War. RIA would help no faction of Middle-earth. RIA would fight EVERY faction of Middle-earth. For, the only true way to eliminate an enemy, is to ELIMINATE ALL ENEMIES.
In order to rally support for this war, DJ Hadoken drew up a proposal entitled DJ HADOKEN’S PROPOSAL FOR PEACE. No other document since the Fuji Manifesto has ever been so monumental.
Veterans of the Bench Wars and newcomers were called to arms...
The RIA MIDDLE-EARTH CONSPIRACY CONTINUES
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
The RIA MIDDLE-EARTH CONSPIRACY CONTINUES.
After a recent conversation with Kewl Kat, I learned that he had also received two additional letters from Middle-earth.
Although, rather than letters, they were DASTARDLY THREATS.
Yes, that’s right. Dastardly threats directed toward us, RIA.
Before I proceed into further detail, how is a Poss member supposed to react towards this? Well, obviously a dastardly threat towards RIA is a dastardly threat towards the entire RIA Poss and our well-being. Because of this, I have drawn up a proposal.
Before sharing my proposal, first of all, I will explain the background involving these threats.
It seems that Kewl Kat did in fact travel to Middle-earth, under a self-made vow of secrecy.
There he met Gandalf and remained with him for a few days before he returned here. During his stay, Gandalf gave the letter to Kewl Kat to deliver to us. We have been able to determine this after reading Kewl Kat’s journal.
However, as of yet, the origins of the second petition, the letter from Sauron, delivered by the Ring Wraiths, cannot yet be revealed. They are not mentioned in his journal entries.
After speaking with Kewl Kat, I learned that soon after he received the two petitions, he was aggressively confronted by a certain Hobbit, Frodo Baggins, who held him at STING-POINT and thrust two dastardly threats at Kewl Kat. Saying nothing, he apparently then slipped on his ring and disappeared.
Through careful research and analysis of Kewl Kat’s journal, I have concluded the following:
that Frodo was unaware that Gandalf had petitioned for RIA to help deliver the ring to Mountain Doom.
After learning this, Frodo felt a form of betrayal as he believed that Gandalf did not have faith in his own good friend.
While these feelings of defeat slowly overcame him, he then learned of the petition that Sauron had sent to us, RIA, pleading for us to use our powers to stop Frodo from taking the ring to Mountain Doom.
This discovery ignited Frodo’s rage. He believed that we were working together with Sauron and might possibly lead Gandalf and he into a trap. He also believed that Gandalf was also aware of this, but still chose to work with us.
Thus, Frodo has gone BERSERK and vowed to dastardly deed every one of us. He has disappeared from Middle-earth and was last seen HERE on EARTH by Kewl Kat.
I warn all of you to be careful. We are being hunted. This Hobbit is disgruntled and dangerous. He is able to turn invisible.
Even EL GRAN SALCHICHON may be no match for him!
BEWARE!
However, there is hope.
I have drawn up a proposal that will give us the upper hand.
However, it requires full support from the RIA POSS.
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To view the proposal, click here:
To view Kewl Kat’s Journal, click here:
Here is the FIRST dastardly threat.
ATTENTION RIA POSS
This boy is not to be trusted at any cost.
Apparently he is angry over the fact that RIA has collaborated with
Gandalf and Sauron in secrecy.
He has become unpredictable and disgruntled.
If you see him, dastardly deed him or run!
Thank you Kewl Kat for delivering this dastardly threat to us.
We appreciate the terrible hardships you went through to bring this
message to us.
___
Here is the SECOND dastardly threat.
At high risk, this dastardly threat was delivered to us by
Kewl Kat.
It has remained in the greatest secrecy until now.
It was rumored that this boy and another hobbit disappeared
somewhere near Mordor.
But now we are more confident about this boy’s true location.
NOW THIS BOY HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON EARTH.
We must act now and stop him.
___
___
That is all for now!
Brave soldiers were being born. DJ Hadoken continued to encourage new recruits... The complete and utter destruction of Middle-earth was at hand..
The war effort is going strong.
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
The war effort is going strong.
Many faithful Riaopians have enlisted.
But we still need more volunteers!
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The movement has begun, my friends.
Over the weekend we obtained vital information concerning Middle-earth.
We have learned of a war song that is being sung by the Hobbits. Apparently, Frodo has influenced them and they have grown a war-like feeling towards Humans. They believe that because of RIA, all Humans must be traitors.
This war song is being sung against us.
To build our own morale, I have composed a RIA War Song based on the Hobbit War Song.
Read it!
Read it and understand the importance of enlisting!
And then enlist after you read it!
Enlist!
That’s all.
Over the weekend we obtained vital information concerning Middle-earth.
We have learned of a war song that is being sung by the Hobbits. Apparently, Frodo has influenced them and they have grown a war-like feeling towards Humans. They believe that because of RIA, all Humans must be traitors.
This war song is being sung against us.
To build our own morale, I have composed a RIA War Song based on the Hobbit War Song.
Read it!
Read it and understand the importance of enlisting!
And then enlist after you read it!
Enlist!
That’s all.
The scent of war filled the air. Weapons were gathered. Leaders were being born. As RIA approached Middle-earth, small battles took place. DJ Hadoken hoped that brave warriors would tell their tales to their loved ones back in RIAopia..
Send us your journals
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
We are looking for journals of your personal experiences regarding The War Against Middle-Earth.
If you have written anything, send it to us.
Make sure you set the subject to something like
"middle-earth journal", that way we don’t mistake it for
junk mail, because, boy, do we get a lot of
junk mail.
DJ Hadoken has been dastardly deeded.
DJ Hadoken has been dastardly deeded.
DJ Hadoken was not dastardly deeded. However, he continued to petition for support.. The day of The Great Exile was approaching. On this day the forces of RIA would be empowered..
Mark your calendars!
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
The war is about to begin!
It will almost be time to mark your calendars!
Also, here’s a little puzzle for you guys. Some of you already know the answer, but let’s see how many of you are loyal to us!
Guess what
very important day
is coming up towards the end of this month!
Message us or post on the board!
I’ve only got until August with you guys. Why? No, not because of some dangerous thing. Most of you should already know why.
So I want to get RIA to be as active as possible and have the greatest times, ’cuz once I’m gone, someone’s going to have to keep you guys active.
We’re starting the last quarter of the school year, which means time is ticking. These next few weeks will go by in a flash because of work and school and everything.
So.. contribute! Contribute! Contribute!
Most importantly, LISTEN TO THE SONGS. There are just so many. Listen to them already!
I believe Frodo tried to assassinate me last night.
Check out this inspirational poster, submitted by Kewl Kat!
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AND THEN THE WAR BEGAN. FIRE. DASTARDLY DEEDS. DESTRUCTION. HEROES WERE BORN.
FRODO WAS ON THE RUN..
FRODO YOU WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED. DASTARDLY DEED FRODO WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED FRODO YOU WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED BY THE HAND OF DJ HADOKEN.
FRODO YOU WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED. DASTARDLY DEED FRODO WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED FRODO YOU WILL BE DASTARDLY DEEDED BY THE HAND OF DJ HADOKEN.
Be ready to ACCEPT!
DJ Hadoken has this to say:
Kewl Kat has submitted a new journal!
This constitutes another portion of his epic struggle during
the
War Against Middle-Earth!
It shows THE brutal truth of THE war!
Read it, but be ready to ACCEPT!
It shows THE brutal truth of THE war!
Read it, but be ready to ACCEPT!
NOW AFTER NEARLY A YEAR OF BLOODY WAR, HOBBITON IS IN FLAMES.
BUT THE WAR IS NOT YET OVER.
RIA NEEDS BRAVE WARRIORS FOR THE FINAL INVASION OF MIDDLE-EARTH.
NO HOBBIT WILL SURVIVE.
FRODO STILL LIVES, BUT NOT FOR LONG!
ENLIST NOW BRAVE WARRIORS!!!
ENLIST!!!!!
LET IT BE KNOWN THAT DJ HADOKEN WILL DASTARDLY DEED FRODO BAGGINS UNDER
THE HONORABLE NAME OF SIR DOKEN.
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