King Arthur and the Knights of Justice (1992)
Retro Cartoon Tribute
A tribute to the greatest cartoon ever, King Arthur and the Knights of Justice!
Review by DJ Wang and music video by DJ Hadoken!
Merlin:
And then, from the field of the future, a new king will come
To save the world of the past!
Ride through the storm, see the knights fighting evil and crime
Running a team of heroes in medieval time
Arthur and the Knights of Justice, putting evil down
Ride through the storm with the knights of the table round
Come on! Come on!
KING OF THE LAND!
First off, this cartoon ruled.
It combined so many manly things, I’m surprised I didn’t get more girls
pregnant when I was seven. Football, awesome knight armor, sub sandwiches,
swords, clubbing, badass animals like dragons and panthers, and magic (the
cool kind like setting fires to burn a pretty girl’s face or making lightning
appear to strike Carrot Top).
The story, so legend tells it, is that
King Arthur and his Knights of Justice were partying in the
countryside making stuff dead, when someone (probably the lamesters from
YasumiNerdCon2003), trapped King Arthur and his Knights of Justice in ice or one of those
fun house mirror places where you bump your head or your boner against fake
walls because of the reflections.
After that, Merlin needed some new crew of knights to do his
bidding and to fetch him wizard stuff, like eye of newt and
balls of squirrel, just like how the monsters in
Dominus
do, but
Dominus
rocks a lot harder than this cartoon.
In fact,
Dominus
should have had its own cartoon. Every episode would entail watching torture
scenes in your dungeon or clubbing a race in the head to either extinction
or until they fled, fearing having their skulls bashed in by your club. But
that’s for another review!
Merlin gathers his magic stuff and throws it into a cauldron and poof! A
busload of high school varsity football players that just finished winning
the All-American championship, on their way back to the hotel for
malt liquor and hookers, gets transported to medieval times to
replace the lost knights and their king. Ironically, the football team is
called The Knights and the quarterback is named
Arthur Kingston (that’s probably his last name). And so, then they
learn the ways of the days of yore.
Now for their WICKED CLOBBERING POWERS!
They’d transform, similar to Power Rangers, but not as goofy and
without huge watches. They’d all stand around the round table and repeat the
oath. And I am typing this from memory because that’s how much this show
rules.
|
| Everyone stands and puts their fist on the table over their respected crest. |
Arthur:
I am King Arthur!
Knights (All):
And we are the Knights of Justice!
All:
We pledge fairness to all, to protect the weak and vanquish the evil!
I mean, yeah, “It’s morphin’ time!” is shorter, but it’s WEAK!
And after their pledge, the table would rise majestically into the 100 ft
vaulted ceiling, and they’d suit up.
There was no useless character, like you’d find in some other series, such as Bumblebee, Billy / Trini / Kimberly, hell, and Alpha 5.
EVERYONE ROCKED!
advertisement
-
now back to the blog...
-
now back to the blog...
Here is how everyone’s armor was set up.
Chestplate
Your weapon of killing was housed here.
It looked like a magnetic version of whatever you wielded. You’d tap your
chest and it would fly out and appear in your hand, whatever it may be:
sword, spear, CLUB, mace, crossbow, etc.
Also, if you tapped it again when your weapon was out, something would
usually pop out and hit the opposing bad guy, usually a brick or battering
ram.
Shield
This is where your badass animal lived.
May it be a hawk, or a panther, or even a fire-breathing dragon, this
thing would come out and act as an assistant to your clobbering.
Artillery
The horses would be loaded up with crazy ballistae (which is the plural of
ballista) catapults and whatever else that wasn’t nailed down.
Back to the plot, King Arthur and the Knights of Justice battled regularly
against some other knights, probably the knights of un-justice.
This guy called Viper, who had a really cool helmet (it had
fangs!), led them. I guess he was as good as any other villain. He didn’t
have cool lines like Megatron’s "Yesss", but he did periodically hiss,
only on the account that his name was Viper.
Also, there was Merlin’s counterpart, Morgana, which was simply the
evil version of himself.
The guiding force behind this cartoon was that there were 12 keys, one for
each knight. And if they were all recovered, then the high school varsity
football team could go back to the 1980’s and do the dirty deeds with
their girlfriends and free the real King Arthur and the real
Knights of Justice.
But later on, I can’t remember exactly, but either the dude from Brooklyn
or the dude from the Bronx (everyone had either a Jersey or
New York accent) touched the wrong key (you can only touch the key
that corresponds with you, the knight i.e. Tyrone can only
touch Tyrone’s key, and not Arthur’s). And if that happens, the key
melts and is transported either someplace else farther away or is
destroyed, can’t remember which.
Whatever. Doesn’t matter. All that matters is that
this cartoon ruled.
And you learn an important life lesson at the end of every episode, like
don’t give up, always use manners, it’s only a dastardly deed if you get
convicted. Stuff like that.
Always remember kids, every varsity football team spends at least 8 weeks of
their training in a renaissance festival in case... just in case one day a
pimped out sorcerer decides to warp a school bus filled with football
players back into medieval times.
Finally, we bring to you RIA’s music video tribute to this, the ultimate
cartoon.
A music video created by DJ Hadoken!
advertisement
-
-
=^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Blog
YouTube
Website
Buy Me a Coffee
.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.