The Funk Mistress has this to declare:
So on Monday, I was pulling out of the parking lot by the university arena.
I looked in my rearview mirror only to find that a gang of Ninjas was behind me - and coming up fast. I saw that I had time to turn right and make a run for it, but it was gonna be cutting it close.
I decided to risk it and the Ninjas threw their Deadly Swords with Poisoned Tips at the side of my van, melting the paint and pulling a piece off the side panel of my Dirty Deed Mobile.
I kept going, but the Ninjas threw Razor Blade Bombs at my tires, putting an inch-long hole in one, destroying it utterly. I was not about to stand for this because no-one messes with my Van of Awesome.
I led the Ninjas to a place no one would think to find us: behind the soccer field. I proceeded to administer the greatest and most heinous beatdown in the history of man.
There was nothing left but a pile of death and gore, which I fed to my pet, The Carnivorous Funk Frog.
Or maybe, I just slapped the side of the van into a yield sign and blew my tire on the getaway.
Who can know for sure?
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