Kewl Kat’s Declaration of War against
Dracula and his Army of Monsters
Dracula and his Army of Monsters
Original Halloween Horror Fiction
Written by Kewl Kat
I propose we form armies and attack Dracula and his Army of
Monsters.
Spies can’t read this because they don’t speak Kewl Kat talk.
In any case, I will explain my reasons behind this madness.
Why do I decide to attack Dracula and his Army of Monsters?
In any case, I will explain my reasons behind this madness.
Why do I decide to attack Dracula and his Army of Monsters?
Well, in 1776, the preamble to an important document said this:
We the People of RIA,
in Order to be crazier,
establish Funky Beats,
insure domestic beer,
provide for the common good of the hoes,
promote the RIAfunk Music,
and secure the Blessings of Partying
to ourselves and our Children,
do ordain and establish this Constitution of RIA.
in Order to be crazier,
establish Funky Beats,
insure domestic beer,
provide for the common good of the hoes,
promote the RIAfunk Music,
and secure the Blessings of Partying
to ourselves and our Children,
do ordain and establish this Constitution of RIA.
It’s simple.
The armies will converge upon Romania and Bulgaria all at once, preventing an all-out escape of Dracula and his Army of Monsters. We will not fail. We will annihilate them at once. There will be casualties, but remember my brothers, we doing this for the good of the RIA nation.
I shall not going to detail on how we going attack, I will let the commanding generals decide their plans. But I will dictate how we going proceed :
(1)
Army of Kewl Kat and DJ Hadoken 2 will surround Budapest. And make sure
that no monsters get out. We will siege the city and starve them if we
have to.
(2)
The armies of DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon 2, The General, and DJ Firestarter
will surround Transylvania. Give Dracula and his monsters hell. Nobody
will survive the shock and awe.
(3)
If Dracula and his Army of Monsters manage to escape into Bulgaria, the
remaining armies will persuade them until the bitter end.
Now I must go into the reasons why we attacking Dracula and his Army of Monsters.
First to begin with, Dracula is stealing our women with his fangs. Every time
he approaches a woman, he takes his fangs out and sucks her. Then that woman
is left useless. Many good women have perish this way. If we let Dracula
continue, there won’t be no good women left; only fat chicks and ugly
women.
Second reason, Dracula and his Army of Monsters have declared Romania a dry country. And this is again infringing in civil liberties. No soulless monster has the right to tell country they can’t drink alcohol because he can’t drink it himself. Romania is known for its good beer and wine. But now they can’t produce it because Dracula prohibits. To this, I say to you my brothers, it’s time we stop him.
Third reason, Dracula and his Army of Monsters have declared no activities can be conducted before sun is down in Romania. You know how many kids don’t go school in Romania because they can’t go out while sun is up? Would somebody think of the children? It’s perfectly normal to conduct activity in the sunlight. It’s time we give the people that right.
Lastly, garlic can’t be produce in Romania because Dracula and his monsters can’t be near it. What is the world, or more specifically, Romania, going do without garlic? What is Romania going do without Garlic Cheese Fries or Garlic Fries or Garlic on Stick? People going crazy without their garlic. We must return the garlic to the Romanian people. We must!
Second reason, Dracula and his Army of Monsters have declared Romania a dry country. And this is again infringing in civil liberties. No soulless monster has the right to tell country they can’t drink alcohol because he can’t drink it himself. Romania is known for its good beer and wine. But now they can’t produce it because Dracula prohibits. To this, I say to you my brothers, it’s time we stop him.
Third reason, Dracula and his Army of Monsters have declared no activities can be conducted before sun is down in Romania. You know how many kids don’t go school in Romania because they can’t go out while sun is up? Would somebody think of the children? It’s perfectly normal to conduct activity in the sunlight. It’s time we give the people that right.
Lastly, garlic can’t be produce in Romania because Dracula and his monsters can’t be near it. What is the world, or more specifically, Romania, going do without garlic? What is Romania going do without Garlic Cheese Fries or Garlic Fries or Garlic on Stick? People going crazy without their garlic. We must return the garlic to the Romanian people. We must!
advertisement
-
now back to the blog...
-
now back to the blog...
But before we can go war, we must assemble and train!
We will prevail!
Enlist now!!
Enlist today!!
You bunch of soulless, pagan, dirty, santero, little brujero
scumbags!
Enlist, I tell you!
Top Comments
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) comments:
TRANSYLVANIA SHALL FALL
SOON I SHALL HAVE A SHE WOLF MONSTER SLAVE TO ACCOMPANY MY SASUGA B*TCH
DRACULA YOU SICK SON OF A BEESH I KNOW YOU LIKE TO LOOK AT YOURSELF ON THE TELEVISION!! YOU HAVE NO BALLS!
I’M GOING TO KICK THAT SON OF A B*TCH DRACULA’S ASS SO HAAAAAHD THE NEXT DRACULA WANNABE IS GOING TO FEEL IT
The bad thing about hobbit slaves is that they can’t reach the top shelves where I keep the cookies.
The Funk Mistress comments:
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) wrote:
The bad thing about hobbit slaves is that they can’t reach the top shelves where I keep the cookies.
The bad thing about hobbit slaves is that they can’t reach the top shelves where I keep the cookies.
And that is conclusive evidence why I am better than hobbit slaves.
The Funk Mistress comments again:
uhm... I just read the war declaration and I just need to say that I refuse to be a part of any army that fights along side ninjas. Did we all forget what they did to my van? Either they go, or you make DAMN sure I never have to fight in the same division as them. Cause I will make them all lead a self destruct mission.
They are evil. Fire them and enlist some pirates.
DJ Hadoken Exlamparaaghis responds:
Maybe these ninjas are from a different clan.
The Funk Mistress responds:
That’s like saying tigers are ok cause they are from a different clan as lions. Either way they have huge claws and teeth and will pretty much eat you up.
Ninjas are ruthless funking treacherous bastards who declared war on my people long ago AND hurt my van of power. There would be a movie about it and everyone would know the story but The Woodsman and I never made it because of creative differences.
Whatever, I will fight the war because I am loyal to my friends. Unless Tony Curran comes along and is like “dude, lets go fight with dracula.” Then, like I said before, you are screwed. Either way I will not lead ninjas. And if they step to me I am cutting their sh## off.
PS - I want to lead the pirate division of the army. I don’t care if there isn’t one, I will bring my own.
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) comments:
Tigers aren’t sentient. But besides that, ninjas can be extremely loyal to the person that they are being commanded by. They are natural born assassins and are a valuable asset to our cause. The fall of Dracula is just as beneficial to them as it is to us. I will gladly lead ninjas into battle.
This war is not about preferences, it is about what must be done. The day Dracula and his Army of Monsters tells me I can’t eat garlic rolls and do things during the day is the day I am dead in my anito resurrection grave. They will fall like the inhuman mofos that they are.
The Funk Mistress responds:
Alright, I said I will fight with ninjas. but they should apologize for my van. I got in a lot of trouble for that.
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) responds back:
I’ll pass that on to Ninja HQ. They’re very good about these kind of things.
DJ Hadoken Exlamparaaghis comments:
The sale for the hobbit slave that I was trying to sell is over. I sent the Hobbit to Transylvania.
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) responds:
They say if you want to get rid of a bad hobbit, you should try and replace it with something else.
The Funk Mistress comments:
DJ Benvenuto the Raccoon II (With the Funny Hat) wrote:
I’ll pass that on to Ninja HQ. They’re very good about these kind of things.
I’ll pass that on to Ninja HQ. They’re very good about these kind of things.
I never received an apology. Those mother####ers.
advertisement
-
-
=^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
Blog
YouTube
Website
Buy Me a Coffee
.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.