TCOTWAME
The Chronicle of the War Against Central-dirt
Lord of the Rings Parody Fiction
Written by DJ Hadoken Exlamparaaghis
Retribution at Ló Liel
Chapter 4 (Part 2 of 5)
Soon the Sun set, and Central-dirt was lit by the soft white light emitted from the Moon. In the land of Central-dirt, the Moon had existed before the Sun, so it needed to be able to emit light while the Sun wasn’t around. If not, the peoples of Central-dirt would not be able to see what they were doing.
The temperature of the light that the Moon emitted also changed depending on what season the Moon was in. So even though the Sun was in Summer now, the Moon was in Autumn, and thus, it was emitting cooler light than the Sun.
A lone tactical fighter jet, afterburner blazing, roared through the cool, Autumn moonlight sky, on a sortie over the Western Grasslands of Rodan, towards Fangbang Forest.
“Yo, Beowulf! You still alive, mother****er?” Kewl Kat’s voice came in through the cockpit radio.
This tactical fighter jet was being piloted by none other than Beowulf, a wing commander belonging to Kewl Kat’s 111st, 114th and 120th Airborne Divisions.
“Yeah, barely. Yo, Kat. I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed some of the napalm,” Beowulf responded.
“Yo! Show those giant tree hugging hippies how we do it! RIA STYLE!” Kewl Kat shouted back through the cockpit radio.
“Roger that, Kat. Wilco,” Beowulf responded.
By this point, the RIA Army had lost hope of achieving air superiority in Central-dirt, because the airborne divisions had been all but decimated on R-Day. And they had suffered yet more casualties during the intense confrontation with the armies of Rodan and Gombor near Hard’n Deep.
But when Kewl Kat’s land forces had finally won full control of Hard’n Deep and Westcrack, the wounded wing commander, Beowulf (whose entire squadron had been downed on R-Day), told his nurses that he was still fit to fly and convinced the air operations command center at Hard’n Deep to lay out a new airstrip at Westcrack. He then found a working tactical fighter jet and loaded it with munitions that he had salvaged from some crashed bombers, and took off.
Kewl Kat’s army was preparing to assault the army of Gombor that was being led by Adabone, son of Adamone, the heir of Isadbor. Adabone’s army itself was moving towards Ló Liel to attack the other RIA armies that had gathered there.
But along the way, Kewl Kat’s tank divisions would have to pass by Fangbang Forest, where the Tree Monsters were waiting for them. After their battle with DJ Fuji the Man Scout’s zombie army, the Tree Monsters had moved slowly South, to defend their home of Fangbang Forest from the looming threat of Kewl Kat’s army.
Beowulf’s mission objective was to burn down Fangbang Forest, so that Kewl Kat’s tank divisions could more easily pursue the army of Gombor.
Beowulf was now quickly approaching his target. However, two of the surviving Giant Falcons of Narda (that had not been shot down by Kewl Kat’s surface-to-air missiles) were ready to intercept him.
When Beowulf’s radar indicated that it had detected some bogeys, he fired heat-seeking missiles at the Giant Falcons. But the Giant Falcons were able to deflect the missiles with the powerful wind from their enormous wings.
“Squaaaw!” One of the Giant Falcons screeched, trying to attack Beowulf’s tactical fighter jet with its talons. Beowulf immediately used a defensive maneuver.
The two Giant Falcons used a split maneuver to try to sandwich Beowulf’s tactical fighter jet. But Beowulf quickly used a break maneuver to get behind the Giant Falcon that had moved behind him. The Giant Falcon tried to do a barrel roll, but got scared by Beowulf’s afterburner and began to tumble instead.
“This one is for Steve!” Beowulf fired the machine guns and the Giant Falcon went down for good. But Beowulf’s visuals were temporarily obscured because there were giant feathers everywhere, leaving him vulnerable for a moment.
“Squaaaaaaw!” The remaining Giant Falcon screeched and tried to grab at Beowulf’s tactical fighter jet with its talons and peck at the cockpit with its beak.
After regaining his visuals, Beowulf used a yo-yo maneuver to escape and get behind the Giant Falcon.
“This one is for the 111st, 114th and 120th Airborne Divisions!” Beowulf shouted as he fired a sidewinder missile that exploded the Giant Falcon into pieces.
“And this one is for R-Day!” Beowulf shouted again as he released napalm bombs over Fangbang Forest.
The Tree Monsters tried to throw rocks at Beowulf’s tactical fighter jet, but it was too fast for them. All that they could do was scream and run slowly away from the fire storm.
After completing the sortie, Beowulf turned his tactical fighter jet around and started to fly back. He used the cockpit radio to report, “Westcrack, mission accomplished. Beowulf is RTB.”
In the cool, Autumn moonlight, over the Western Grasslands of Rodan, Beowulf flew towards the airstrip at Westcrack, for debriefing and maintenance.
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