Water Monster (2019)
Movie Review
Reviewed by DJ Hadoken 7
Wow, a movie review on the RIAfunk site? Yes, that’s right. Last “movie review” was my halfway review 14 years ago of “Blood: The Last Vampire” (2009). Hopefully I’ll be able to get around to writing a review about the second half (as soon as I finish watching the movie).
Anyway, so it’s Halloween again which means time for a Halloween post. I’ve chosen to review “Water Monster” (2019) this time around.
I really like this movie because it tells an interesting story in an entertaining way. The audience does not need any prior knowledge about the story to enjoy it. There’s a clear start and finish. These are simple reasons, but important, because I think that’s what helps keep these types of movies enjoyable, no matter how many years pass after release.
“Water Monster” was written and directed by Xiang Qiu Liang and Xiang He Sheng (of the “Xiang Bros Studios”). It stars Liu Lincheng as THE RELUCTANT HERO “Shui Sheng” and Zhu Lilan as THE HOT PIECE OF ASS “Xiang Lan” (lots of Xiangs in this movie). They are supported by a number of actors including Xie Yi as “Sha Dong” (who I think was the most entertaining supporting character in the movie).
As you may have already surmised, this is a Chinese movie. For some reason, most of the overseas movie posters depict it in a clickbaity way that makes it seem like a serious horror movie. And honestly, that’s why I clicked it initially, because I felt like watching a horror movie at the time. But the actual genre is more like “horror-themed fantasy wirework action adventure” with some romance sprinkled in.
I think that the Russian version of the movie poster best represents what the movie actually is. That’s why I chose it for this review. The other versions seem as if some marketing person thought that the foreign audiences wouldn’t be interested in what the actual genre of the movie is. So they decided to depict it as a more serious horror movie to get the clicks and hope that people would watch it to the end.
The Chinese version of the movie poster is a little more over-the-top and focuses more on the appeal of the actors, rather than the monster. The poster makes it seem more like an action adventure. I can understand that that kind of poster may be necessary to appeal to the Chinese audience, but I don’t like it because it shows multiple “Water Monkey” monsters, even though there’s only one in the movie.
Warning! Spoilers ahead!
If you don’t mind being spoiled, read on!
If not,
turn back now!
You’ve been warned!
The Water Monkey monster (played by Wu Hao) did not disappoint. In the opening scene, Shui Sheng “hears” the Water Monkey when it uses its telepathic power to whisper Shui Sheng’s name. So at first the audience may think that maybe the Water Monkey has some kind of relationship with Shui Sheng, since it seems to know him so well. But the audience soon learns that that’s just what victims hear before the Water Monkey tries to devour their heads. So it GETS IN YOUR HEAD before it EATS YOUR HEAD. That’s...
PRETTY BADASS
It also has “super human” strength and speed so to say, for lack of better terminology (since it’s not actually human). It has excellent hand-to-hand combat skills (as do the villagers) because, WHY NOT? And it can scurry across the surface of the water if wants to, also because, WHY NOT? It’s also pretty intelligent (maybe because of all the heads that it has devoured).
And even though it’s a water monster, the movie shows it stalking its prey on land sometimes, too. It’s good at climbing up just about anything. IT’S LIKE SPIDER-MAN. So it can easily scurry up walls and get on the rooftops of the buildings in the village. I assume there must be some limitation to how long it can remain on land, since after all, it’s supposedly a WATER monster. But the movie doesn’t hint at anything regarding a limitation.
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The villagers are (for the most part) good-hearted, but aren’t too bright. And they must have collective bad memory because they rely on the village elder (played by Wang Jianguo) to remind them about what happened just 10 years ago, the last time the Water Monkey attacked. And it was kind of macabre how they talk about how they sacrificed some girl at that time, yet they don’t mention her name and her relatives are nowhere to be found this time around.
The way the villagers were able to convert an entire building into a house of booby traps was pretty impressive. But that does not redeem their intelligence. Because after capturing the Water Monkey with the booby traps, they subsequently leave it unsupervised in a cage outside overnight.
Unsurprisingly, the Water Monkey uses its super strength to bend a bar of the cage and escape. The village elder then has his ENTIRE BODY EXPLODED by the angry Water Monkey. Technically, his body was torn in half, but there’s so much gore that it looks as if he GOT EXPLODED. After that, half of the villagers are killed in the ensuing escaped angry Water Monkey rampage.
The depiction of the villagers relies heavily on archetypes to convey details. Maybe it’s a bit cliché and can be off-putting for some people, but I think that it’s an effective technique to convey information that would otherwise be hard to accomplish within the movie’s short timeframe. If Shui Sheng didn’t hunch over and cross his arms the way he does, THE RELUCTANT HERO aspect would not be noticed by a lot of viewers. If the guy with the glasses didn’t wear those huge dopey-looking glasses, the audience wouldn’t notice that he’s supposed to be A COWARDLY CHARACTER. You get what I mean.
By the way, the guy with the glasses was played by Yue Sihong, who is just credited as “Glasses” in the end credits. The tall lanky character, played by Xin Yi Quan and credited as “Langli Fritters” (you gotta love these translations) also stood out to me because he looks like a real life version of the kind of tall lanky characters that one typically only sees in comic books.
The one kiss between Shui Sheng and Xiang Lan in the movie was very “cutely” executed. The audience doesn’t actually see them kiss; it’s depicted from outside through their silhouettes on a curtain. The shot cuts inside just after that. So the audience is aware that they’ve just shared this intimate moment as they have a conversation about their future together.
I’m not sure if that was an artistic decision or a way to get around a “no-kissing” arrangement with the actors (or both), but I think it fit this movie well. It’s necessary for the romance aspect of the story but subtle enough that it does not distract from the primary genre (horror-themed fantasy wirework action adventure).
The only complaints I have about this movie are about the flashback montages that include clips from previous scenes. Does the audience really need to be reminded about events that happened only a few minutes ago in the movie? It seemed really awkward to me. But I think that it’s a reflection of the SHORT ATTENTION SPAN of today’s society that’s become so focused on short-form content.
Some of the clips included in the montages show additional interactions between the characters that were not shown during the original scene. I like that technique because it makes the audience aware that there’s more going on in this world other than just what is being shown on screen. Unfortunately, the other clips are literally just replays of events from a few minutes prior.
And the second montage, that is supposed to be from Shui Sheng’s point of view, includes a clip of when Sha Dong is killed by the Water Monster. But Shui Sheng was not there when it happened, so how could he have remembered something that he never witnessed?
Anyway, my complaints about the flashback montages are not a deal breaker for this movie. It’s still an entertaining movie as long as you can look past the clickbait “horror” mislabeling.
Most importantly, the Water Monkey lives up to what you would expect from a monster. It’s worth the wait to see the village elder GET EXPLODED. And you have to have respect for a monster that dines exclusively on human heads and no other parts of the body. IT KNOWS WHAT IT LIKES.
THE RELUCTANT HERO Shui Sheng stabbing the Water Monkey at the end like a little pansy is also pretty entertaining.
The movie was good enough, apparently, to merit a sequel, “Water Monster 2: Black Forest”. I’m hoping to watch that one at some point and maybe I’ll write a review about it if it seems worth the effort.
Okay, I want to be COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT here: this FREE review was not sponsored by the Xiang Bros Studios.
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| Don’t anger the Water Monkey. |
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