Dr. DJ Hadoken 7 the Fake Paleontologist has this to say:
So the Jurassic World Rebirth trailer has been out for about a week now. And as those of us “in the know” already anticipated, none other than SPINOSAURUS or shall I say, SPINOSAURI made an appearance; officially confirming its return to the JURASSIC FRANCHISE.
Before I talk more about Spinosaurus, I’ll share my impression of the trailer. It was “not bad”. The color scheme was particularly good. For some reason, they got it “just right”. It evokes the thought of “dinosaurs”. I don’t know why, but it “just makes sense” for the blues, greens, yellows, etc. to appear that way. And it’s such a subtle detail that if it’s not there, you don’t notice. But if it’s there, you notice. And I think that last sentence contradicts the definition of “subtle”. If you watch the trailer, maybe you’ll understand what I mean. Or you won’t.
The movie looks entertaining. Definitely not a sucky movie. But there’s a lot to be desired. The dinosaurs all look “a little special”. Not quite the right size. Not quite the right proportion. A little bit out of shape. Apparently, these are supposed to be “mutated dinosaurs” or something. That’s supposed to make it “okay” to appear that way, for some reason.
Oh yeah, and I’ll just throw this other observation about the dinosaurs out there. Maybe it’s just me, but the dinosaurs look less terrifying and more like angry and scared rescued animals that you’d find waiting to be adopted from an animal shelter.
And as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the M.F.S.M. (Made For Social Media) aspect of Jurassic World Dominion was really off-putting. I’ve been “concerned” (that’s in quotation marks because I really don’t care whether this movie succeeds or fails) that the new movie would be fraught with the same M.F.S.M. shenanigans as its predecessor. Unfortunately, the trailer all but confirmed my “concerns” (I don’t care).
Last December, the writer of the Jurassic World Rebirth script, David Koepp, revealed that there will be “no retcons” in the movie. But lo and behold. In the trailer they say a bunch of lines that essentially retcon the supposedly “canon” Jurassic Park/World universe.
Here we go again. There are so many issues just in that one trailer. “Why this? Why that? But this! But that!” Blah. Blah. Blah. The issues are so numerous that we have to believe that it’s being done on purpose to keep people “engaged” (a.k.a. M.F.S.M.).
So will Jurassic World Rebirth turn out to be another M.F.S.M. crapterpiece? We’ll have to wait for the release of the movie to know for sure. But if the lack of a colon in the title is any indicator, I think it will indeed turn out to be a M.F.S.M. crapterpiece. And that means that we’ll have to wait even longer for the extended version (if there ever is one) to be released in order to have a coherent and not-so-irritating movie experience.
And of course, the lack of Spinosaurus jokes in the trailer was a major letdown. At least we got to see Spinosaurus again. And not just one, but THREE SPINOSAURI. Not only that, but they were swimming alongside a Mosasaurus! I would have expected the Spinosaurus to be accompanied by Vulture. I’ll admit that I was not expecting to see Spinosauri swimming together with a Mosasaurus!
So I was late posting my thoughts about the trailer because I was busy dusting off Spinosaurus fossils trying to uncover any jokes that would reveal the paleontological reason why Spinosaurus would be swimming with a Mosasaurus.
Thankfully, I did not have to excavate long. I was able to uncover not one, but THREE SPINOSAURUS JOKES that reveal the answer.
Q. What do you call it when you see three Spinosauri swimming in
circles off the coast of an island?
Yacht racing.
Q. What do you call it when a Spinosaurus attacks your boat during a
yacht race?
Cheating.
Q. Why was the Mosasaurus swimming with three Spinosauri?
It didn’t know that submarines are not allowed to participate in a yacht
race.
So, there you have it. Now we know, for certain, what was going on in that scene in the trailer where the three Spinosauri are circling that boat.
Dr. Henry Loomis (played by Jonathan Bailey) mistakenly claims that “They’re helping the Mosasaur... defend territory. Stalk. Hunt.” But no, as my paleontological findings have just revealed, the Spinosauri were in fact yacht racing. The Mosasaurus was simply unaware of the rules. And the boat gets attacked because that one Spinosaurus was trying to cheat.
But hey, it’s just a movie.
We can’t expect Hollywood to be paleontologically accurate.
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